Love And Want… And Pain.

This is actually a post I have been meaning to write for quite a while about a choice we can make, a differentiation that I made that has allowed me to release a LOT of pain in my life and find joy I didn’t know was available.

Throughout my life I have sought Love. I mean it, my whole teenage through adult years have been about the pursuit of Love. I still have a copy of Random House’s “Treasury Of Favorite Love Poems”, that started me on my journey. Heck of a way to start huh? Idealistic poetry to define love? Honestly, it’s been amazingly helpful for maintaining focus in my life and not allow me to become too jaded. The point is, this is a subject that is incredibly dear to my heart and also the single thing I have invested the most amount of time and effort into understanding so, please trust that what I am about to tell you is as true as possible if you allow it to become part of you.

Love has never once been the source of pain. I repeat, Love, has never once been the source of your pain. I’m not going to say that love is unconditional. I don’t believe that and never will. Your love will always be based on your values and beliefs. And that is fine. It’s why there is “Someone for everyone”, as the saying goes. What we Love is unique to each individual in the way it arises. We see something in someone and we fall in love with that aspect of who they are. And it is BEAUTIFUL!! Love is the greatest feeling to have, both in a spiritual and a biochemical sense. Loving something fills us with happiness and joy, it’s why we LOVE IT IN THE FIRST PLACE! And it’s something we all can benefit from feeling more of, but many of us have learned to be afraid of it because we miss one distinction. See, Love, comes from inside us, is generated there and grows there. Every aspect is internal.

With Want however, that is not always the case. It is our wants that cause us pain in pursuit of Love. It is our WANTS that cause the pain when we are rejected, or someone fails to meet our expectations. Want is inherently selfish. Some of you savvy people may have picked up on this early but, it’s the pursuit that causes us pain. Now, I’m not going to try to tell you to want nothing. I think that is a terrible philosophy and almost a quitter mentality in my mind. Sure, if you truly want nothing, there is zero chance that you can be hurt by not getting it. There is also a high probability that you end up limiting yourself greatly. But, that is just my belief based on my value set. Personally, I think you can want great things, you can want and seek and pursue great love, success, fulfillment, and wealth and you need that want to feel like a need to get you there. Want has a very beneficial part in our lives if we understand it. The point of this post however is about showing you a way to stay open.

As I said in the first paragraph, love is internal, completely. It is based on our perceptions. We often will blame love for our pain and shut ourselves away, hide our love and the joy that comes with it because we wrap up our WANT with our LOVE. When it comes to something or someone you love, realize that they are not the same, they often co exist but they can, and in my opinion should, exist separately. I have had many times in my life when I wanted someone, I wanted their love, their approval, their attention. If I didn’t get it, it hurt and I would blame it on love. For a long time I would feel I needed to guard myself or judge myself for foolishly loving someone, but I loved them for what I saw in them. And just because it didn’t go the way I wanted, doesn’t mean what I saw was wrong. It didn’t mean that what I loved wasn’t there and that I couldn’t feel the love and appreciate that person or those aspects of that person even if our paths turned out to be incompatible. When I finally recognized that what I was actually feeling was an unfulfilled Want… Man! That was a game changer. It allowed me and my Love space to be and exist. I was able to continue loving what I saw in them. It was no longer a flaw in my thinking or perception. It was no longer a failure on my part that somehow that I still cared. It wasn’t Love I had to let go. I had to let go of a Want.

Being able to say, ” I didn’t get want I wanted and that was hard, but my Love is real, and OKAY!” It is an amazing feeling. More importantly, this mindset has allowed me to care so much more freely, and openly because, love was no longer the threat. Love, is a beautiful choice we can make all on our own, independent of any reciprocation or expectation.

So I ask you, if you are feeling pain from lost love, or unrequited affection, find the want. Find the Ask that was denied and let that go. Trust that the love you felt and/or feel was valid and true. Trust that letting go of the want will free you. Never fear creating Love.

I appreciate all of you who have read this and I truly hope you take it into your heart. Love freely and often. You Are All Exceptional!